Reflections: the Story of Luke and Bel

Warning: Tragic long soppy love story ahead!!!



This weekend is my 4th anniversary with Luke.... well sort of. We actually "hooked up" on New Years Eve hehe, but this weekend is the anniversary of when we got together properly and had our first date.

After you've been with someone for four years, it's easy to forget the magical good times and just remember the here and now, but I like to use this time of year to remember our story. This year I'm sharing it with you too!

So, it was Christmastime 2005, my best mate had a new boyfriend, and I was going through a really weird phase in my life, so I took to hanging out at my best mate's boyfriend's house a bit. I've since found out that every group of boys has a "drop in house" and this was it. Anyway, there were a lot of summer BBQ's in their backyard, and all of his friends seemed to drop in a lot. One caught my eye. He had a wicked sense of humour, a cute smile, gorgeous eyelashes and sometimes he'd look at me when I was talking and he was listening and the look on his face was so intense that I. Would. Just. Die. A. Little.

On to New Year's Eve. There had been a lot of flirting up to that point, but there was something in the air that night. My best mate and another close girlfriend of mine decided to spend the night at my best mate's new boyfriend's mates house, because they were having a backyard party. Meh, why not, I thought. I didn't know Luke also lived there. Anyway, we made jelly vodka shots to take along. We walked in, I saw Luke and wow, my heart fluttered. I played it cool. After a billion jelly shots, I worked up the courage to ask my best mate's boyfriend if he thought Luke would mind if I kissed him. He laughed and gave me a funny look.

Another billion jelly shots, I decided I needed a glass of water. I walked into the kitchen, drank a glass of water, and someone snuck behind me and put their arms around me. Wow, what a warm hug that was. I turned around and we had our first kiss. Oh, it was good. So good. Then Luke told me that he had bought new bed sheets that day (???) would I like to see them? I blame the jelly shots. I will spare you the details, suffice to say that when we walked back out to the party, everyone gave us a big cheer. Hmmm. Now do you see why I can't get married to Luke? What do you think the best man's speech is going to be like?

So we counted down to 12am, I got another lovely kiss, and despite Luke's protest, I decided to go home for the night. Like I said, I was going through a weird phase in my life, I didn't need anything complicated.

So home I went.

The chase began.

Luke would call me, text me, all hours of the day and night. Oh he was obsessed. One day he just turned up at my house? That was a strange situation, he wouldn't sit still the whole time he was there. He would do weird things like call me at 11pm, tell me he has insomnia (which I now know is a COMPLETE lie - that boy is asleep before his head hits the pillow) would I like anything because he was going to the service station for some supplies? Yeah right. Was he kidding? So he could come over my house at 11pm at night? Huh, he must think I was an idiot. No thanks, good night.

NOBODY believes this part of my story about me and Luke. Pffft he didn't chase you Bel, c'mon now. He's not very expressive. But he did chase me, hard. Once on the phone, he told me that I was everything he wanted in a girlfriend. I didn't realise the significance at the time.

Three weeks later, I gave in, and agreed to let him take me out, but I was very clear that it was ONLY for a drink, NOT for dinner, because dinner is far too serious, and I wasn't into that.

On 24 January 2006, he walked up the driveway to my house, fidgeting in a nice white shirt (which I later found out was ironed by his female room mate hehe) and what smelt like an entire bottle of cologne. I got my jacket, we walked down to his car. "Where's your hilux?" "Oh I sold it, i need a van because I'm starting my own electrical business". Mmmhmm, I thought, so he's a dreamer.

We went to the Saint, for a drink. The whole time, he kept saying how hungry he was, was I sure that I didn't want dinner? No thanks, just the drink. The whole time, I remember being nervous, and fidgety. It was getting late, it was time for him to take me home, but as we walked back out to the car, this torrential summer storm started. Argh it was such heavy rain. I got soaked, my shirt went see-through, my jeans were all wet from the puddles. "Come and warm up back at my place, we can watch a movie, then I'll take you home". I felt bad for him, so I went.

His room mates went to bed as soon as we walked in the door. Strange, because it was about 8pm. We watched Shrek. He said it was his favourite movie. Mmmhmm I thought, he likes fantasy.

It finished just before 10pm, and he asked me to stay the night. I hesitated, for a long time. There was a fairly awkward silence. He leant over and whispered in my ear "it's okay, we don't have to... do anything, I just want to sleep next to you". How could I resist? Besides, he said, he was leaving for work at about 5.30am and he could drop me home then.

So into his bedroom we went. I refused to take my jeans off. or my shirt. I slept in my clothes alllll night. How uncomfortable. He offered me a pair of his boxers, but I didn't want them - then I'd have to take my jeans off in front of him and he'd see my sexy date underwear and I didn't want to give him any ideas. And yep, the bottoms of my jeans were STILL wet from the rain.

It was a long long night. Made even weirder by the fact that every time I turned over (uncomfortable in all my clothes), I'd look over at him and he was LOOKING at me. EVERY time. 5.30am came around before I knew it, and he dropped me home and went off to work.

I went inside my house and slept all day.

The next day, I went on a planned trip to Kalgoorlie for the Australia Day long weekend with my friends. A wonderful weekend, but Luke would call me, like EVERY hour. And ask me whether I had met any nice "boys" there. Uh huh, he's pretty keen, I thought.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, absence makes the heart grow fonder, I came back from Kalgoorlie and it was on. And very serious, right from the start. He fell for me, hook, line and sinker. At the beginning, he kept telling me "I could see you falling hard for me" and dammit he was right. Every now and then, he'll look at me with this very intense look and I'll think, yep, that's it, right there, that's what got me in the beginning, that's what get's me now.

Even though now is less conversations about the hopes and dreams for our lives, and more "Babe, can you PLEASE STOP LEAVING YOUR SOCK PILES ALL OVER THE HOUSE!!!". Although I think that's because now, the hopes and dreams for our lives are the intertwined =)

Deceiving Appearances

I was 21 years old. An adult, legally, but I was still naive in every sense of the word.

The notice came in the mail. "Summons to Jury Duty". How exciting, I thought. I was at uni, and working part time. I could have gotten out of it, being a student. My part time job was with the government, and they have an obligation to continue paying you when you serve Jury Duty. I was looking forward to analysing the structure of the court room, exposing myself to the element of danger in having a criminal look at you and know you're judging him. .

The date rolled around, and I woke up early that Monday, to catch the train into the city. The trains were late, as per usual, so I rushed from the train station in the city. It was winter, and the wind cut me through to the bone during the long walk to the Central Law Courts. I subjected myself to the security screening process, and took myself up to the Jury Room.

I don't know what I expected, but I certainly didn't expect 300 people in one large room. I was given my "number", and ceased to exist other than to be known as Juror Number 317. I'd brought a book with me, because I expected some waiting around, but found a spare seat near a TV and watched Kerri-Anne.

Half an hour later, the room sprang into action. Numbers were called, and groups trouped off to different court rooms. I was one of 25 people called to travel on a bus to Fremantle Court. "Wow, a trip" I thought.

We got on a bus, and the driver skillfully manipulated us around the busy mid morning city streets. We got to Fremantle, and I managed to fit in a smoke in between the walk from the bus to the building. It was still freezing, and the cigarette warmed me up. My group of 25 were lead into the court room, which was suprisingly modern. The defendent had his head down, shamefully, and looked like a bogan. 13 jurors numbers were chosen, myself not being one of them. We had to stay though, while the charges were read out, in case one of the jurors were challenged. "Grevious Bodily Harm". Boring. Finally we were off.

Back at the Central Law Courts, and my number was called out again. I was lead with another group, through a seemingly rabbits warren route to another court room. Again, my number wasn't called to be a juror, but the charge was read out. "Theft". Boring.

Back in the jury room, we were told we could go home. Could I come back on Wednesday? Sure, I'm able to serve on Wednesday.

Tuesday was back to work, and Wednesday I found myself on a cold, packed train again. On time and used to the process, I found myself in that large room. "Eh, they won't call me today, it'll be boring again" I thought. I'd forgotten my book this day, but remembered some snacks. An hour later, I was once again led through a rabbit's warren to a court room. The defendent was in his box, and was a clean cut, suited, kindly looking man in his 50s. "I bet it's fraud or something" I thought to myself. There were a pile of video tapes on the prosecutors desk, "I bet they have him on tape stealing from his company's safe"

My number was called. I was number 6, of 15 jurors, and the trial length was expected to be 5 days. Finally, some action. The charges were read out. "Mr X Z, To the charges of 11 counts of indecent exposure, 7 counts of sexual interference with a minor, and 5 counts of sexual penetration with a minor under the age of 12 of Miss Y Z, how do you plead?" "Not guilty".

My blood ran cold.

It was a monster, in a normal looking person's disguise.

There were so many counts of the different charges. He'd been doing something dodgy, with a little girl, someone that was relating to him in some way, someone that shared his last name, someone that trusted him. And some of the evidence was video tapes.

No, no, no, no, I can't do this, I can't listen to what this man has done, I don't want to know, I can't know.

When the voice of the defendent reverberated around the court room "Not guilty", there was a sob from the back of the court room, and I realised there were people, that looked too similar ot the defendent to not be related to one another.

The judge turned to look at the jurors. He peered at us, looking over his glasses, and said in a gentle voice, that the evidence in this case was of an extremely disturbing nature, and if any of us had experienced sexual trauma, we were to write our reasons on a piece of paper, and the judge will determine whether that person may be excused.

I've been very lucky, and could not be excused that way. Neither could anyone else in the jury box, it would seem.

Juror number 1 stood up and took the oath. Juror number 2 stood up and took the oath. Juror number 3 stood up to take the oath and as she opened her mouth, the defence lawyer looked at her and said "challenge". Juror number 3 left the stand. Jurors number 4 & 5 took the oath, and then it was my turn. I shakily, nervously rose to my feet, put my hand on the bible, and looked at the piece of paper that had what I was supposed to read out.

I looked over at the defence lawyer. Her head was down, she was writing something in a notepad. "Please look up, please please challenge me, please" I willed her, hoping she might be able to receive my message via ESP, hoping she would see the pleading in my eyes. She kept her head down.

I drew a big breath and opened my mouth to read my oath.

"Challenge"

My legs nearly buckled with relief as I left the jury box. I sat with the court officer, until they were ready to take us from the court room. Out of 15 jurors, 5 were challenged, we were all females under the age of 30. I guess the defence lawyer thought we would identify with the victim. She was right.

They had to reselect jurors, and a few of them were challenged, til there were 14 jurors, all unchallenged, all sworn in.

I got back to the jury room, and was discharged from jury duty.

I walked back to the train station, with the image of the kindly looking monster in my head. I chewed it over and over, why was I so disturbed. Then I figured it out - this was a man I would smile at if I saw him on the street. This was a man that I would make small talk to, if he was behind me in the queue at the grocery store. This is a man I would immediately put faith in, yet he had betrayed the trust of someone close to him.

Thus began my real adult life. Cynicism, and waryness began to rule my head. Every normal looking person, could be a monster underneath the disguise.

The Immune System from Hell

Judging from the title, I bet you're thinking that my immune system is really crap right? Well actually, after 2 years of working in a chemist, handling snotty grotty money from sick customers, I have a super duper immune system that handles everything.

Why is it from hell then? Because every time everyone else gets colds, they come down with a cold, are sick for a few days and get better. Me? I come down with the cold, struggle and fight it off for about 2 weeks and then that's it. So for a good 3 weeks I wake up with sore throat, phlegm everywhere and general lethargy and dead-on-my-feet tiredness. But it never gets bad enough for me to take some sick leave and rest myself better. Argh. And usually, I feel worse on weekends, when I've been working like a dog all week and am run down to the max.

It sucks.

Is there some sort of name for this ailment?

Conflicted

Once upon a time...

There were a group of boys that went to high school together. They were naughty boys, very disruptive in class and getting up to no good on the weekends. But they were all good at heart.

They all did the typical teenage boy thing, and started to experiment with drugs. The hardness of the drugs increased. Some of the boys in the group stopped at experimentation, others got more serious about it.

Those that were more serious about it eventually saw the light, one boy got into the career he always wanted, another boy got a job with drug testing, another got a serious girlfriend. They all got their second chances and everyone forgave them for their indiscretions and the boys built their lives up. In the end there was one boy left.

Along with the drugs came the crimes. There was the lying and stealing from friends to support the habit. There was the other general underworld that came with the drugs. But the boy kept it close to him, and tried not to let it rule his life. He tried to keep it away from his friends as much as possible, and was generally a nice guy to be around.

It all culminated for the one boy when he was away for work, and his new roommate cleaned his room for him and found evidence of the lying, the stealing and the underworld that he had kept so well hidden.

The police were called, the boy was arrested, and taken away. The boys friends and the boys family turned their backs. The boys friends that had been given their second chances were most judgemental of them all.

Can someone out there please please please tell me how I am supposed to feel about this? On one hand, the boy has done the wrong thing and should be punished for this. On the other hand, the boy has freely admitted that he needs help, and has taken steps to seek this help - but all his friends and family are still turning their backs.

Does everyone deserve their second chance?

Cuh-raziness with the in-laws

Last week, I led a campaign aimed at Luke, to go away for the Australia Day long weekend. I didn't want to just sit around at home, as per the long weekends over the past... well 2 years. However, with such late notice, there weren't many options available to us, so we decided that we wanted to go and stay at his Dad's beach shack up at Ledge Point - about an hour north of Perth, just outside Lancelin.

There was just one catch - his Dad and de facto and her daughter were going to be there. Hmmmm. There was a lot of umming and ahhing before Luke assured me it would be okay - we'd just go up for one night, and there was plenty we could do without them if we needed.

It wasn't that I don't like them - it's just that I think I've spent about 8 hours in total with them since I started my relationship with Luke - and it's always a bit awkward. I tried to view it as an opportunity to get to know them better, but deep deep down I had this funny feeling in my stomach - what if I do something dumb and they don't like me, what if this, what if that, what if the other. There's not a lot to do in Ledge - apart from the beach, fishing and the pub, that's it!

But I had nothing to worry about in the end - we had a lovely lovely time and everything was fine!

We were meant to get up there on the Saturday at 5pm, but Luke finished early (it was an anniversary miracle) and we managed to get up there by 4pm. We did a little exploring, then installed a ceiling fan in the main room for them - fun fun!

Then we played a little wii (tennis is always a good ice breaker) and we went to the pub for dinner - chinese buffet and a lot of wine loosened me up big time. Then it was home for a movie, I fell asleep on the couch from a little too many Oyster Bays and that was that!

The next morning I woke up at 6.30am raring to go (very unusual for me!) I sat outside in the glorious morning sunshine on a beach chair and read my book til the rest of the house started to stir. Everyone was up and we went to the beach at about 9am - I didnt swim, but I put my feet in and went exploring on the sand. Luke then gave me a tour of Ledge Point, which took all of about 2 seconds, and he pointed out places where his friends used to stay and told stories of the mischief he used to get up to as a kid when he would come on holidays with the family.

We got back to the house and Luke's dad was nearly finished cooking us Bacon and Eggs - bliss! After that was all done and cleaned, we went on a little trip to Lancelin, went to the lookout, the dunes, the pub and the bakery, then back to Ledge for some more relaxing in the sun. 4pm came around - when we were supposed to leave - but we were having such a great time that we stayed for dinner and BBQ was great! Then we left at about 6pm, and I spent the journey home with my eyes peeled for kangaroos while Luke fell asleep in the passenger seat watching the Simpsons in the car DVD player. Hmmm.

I had such a lovely time, and can't wait to go again. I can't believe I was worried for nothing about the in-laws!

Product Plug

I'm not one to usually plug too many products, but I've recently started using Al'Chemy hair products and Oh.My.God sooooo good.

I have been looking to change over for a while, and I had two important pre-requisites: 1. product must help me break my scalps apparent addiction to head and shoulders and 2. product must come in a pump pack for ease of use when fumbling around in the shower early in the mornings.

And so I found Al'Chemy in my local priceline. Now I'm not into organics and all that rubbish, I figure if harmful chemicals didn't affect my grandparents quality of life, I may as well save myself some stress wrinkles and just get whatever, but i don't know what they put in Al'Chemy but it's good! Apparently, they don't put anything in it at all! I think that's the point of organics, right?

My hair is glossy, healthy and (shock horror) my natural wave has made a reappearance! I feel like I'm doing a pantene ad, so I think I might stop now.

But to swiftly change the subject, I remember when I was in early high school, and I wanted my hair to be shiney so much that I once put one of Dad's beers in it. Oh it gets weirder - I remember also washing it in vinegar, and another time putting a whole, beaten up egg in it. I also once put lemon juice on my head and sat in the sun, cos apparently that lightens your hair - not. Hmmm, I was a confused kid! I'll stick to Shampoo and Conditioner now I'm growned up, I think!

Credit to purist.com for the image

Different Perspective

Luke and I are lucky enough to celebrate 3 years together on Saturday.

While discussing this with a friend the other day, she commented that we must be really special to have lasted 3 years.

I went away and thought about it - and I've come to the conclusion that we're not even a little bit special, and in fact, it's our total utter ordinariness (is that a word?) that has kept us together.

Luke and I haven't really had the fireworks - we started our relationship, and two weeks later, he started his business and spent a lot of time there. The first two weeks were amazing, there were butterflies in my stomach every day and every time I saw him my heart jumped into my throat and I thought "wow". But then his business started, and he worked 18 hour days, 6 days a week, so he was tired, and stressed and etc etc. Don't get me wrong - I still look at him and go "wow" and I still get butterflies, but everything changed in a major way, before I was ready for it to change.

BUT he made the effort to spend every night sleeping next to me, right from the beginning, no matter how tired he was. He made an effort to listen to me when I missed him and got angry. And when I was upset that he was working so hard and we were missing out on a normal relationship, he'd wait til I calmed down and he'd outline why he was working so hard - because he could see himself doing well, that he could see a future with me, and he wanted to do retire early and work hard now so he didn't have to work hard when he was ready to have kids.

In the same way, when he was dog tired and disheartened, I would wash his clothes, cook him a proper dinner and always make sure there was enough chocolate in the house to keep him going. I'd give him advice on his employees and business decisions, while I'm no expert, I'd like to think that my view from the outside helped. I would come with him when he had to work on Sundays and hand him screwdrivers on jobs, or do his filing in the office, and just be there so he wouldnt have to worry about me at home. After 6 months, I made Sundays a mandatory day off to spend together - some Sundays we just watch movies on the couch, but it really helped us grow.

When I tell people how Luke and I started out together, they often say that it must have been a hard time. It was hard, and sometimes I look at his friends and their girlfriends and think "why can't he be like them - they're so happy together, and they only have to work 9 to 5". But on the other hand, I think it strengthened us - we got through it, and I think we can get through just about anything. I dont think I'm so fabulous for sticking by him, and I don't think he's so great for taking a risk on a business - I think finding Luke was a blessing, and that you cant choose the timing of your blessings.

I think that love works when you have common goals you're both working towards, and you focus on the little ordinary things - sharing a meal together, catching each others eye when you're out and smiling, catching the other looking besottedly at you when you're driving in the car.

Well at least I hope so.