Just say no

My new year's resolution this year was to say "no" more often.

I have this terrible affliction where I cannot stand to make people unhappy. So whenever I get asked things, I say "yes" even if I don't want to do them, or if it means I wont be able to do something else I have planned. This is particularly with my family.

I am getting better - but lately I've slipped. I've found myself going out to dinner when all I want to do is go to bed early so I can get up at 4.30am the next day for a flight, or smiling and nodding when I really want to say "I didn't want you to do that", or driving halfway across Perth to pick something or someone up, or spending the 3rd weekend in 3 weeks with the in-laws when I have SO much to do at home.

It makes me really angry with myself - because I SHOULD be able to just say no, but sometimes it's like there is a fault in my inner core that I can't change. But then I get frustrated when I can do it, because when I DO say no, it makes me feel super guilty, or someone who is used to my saying yes gives me a strange look, or makes a comment.

On the other hand, after I get over the guilt, or caring about what other people think, it makes me feel so good to put what I want first. Its very satisfying.

I guess this is one thing that I have to keep working on. And I have to accept it will take more than a year.